By: Kristen Sohlman, MACP, RP
The definition of bullying is to seek harm, to intimidate, to threaten, or to coerce. Bullying is often thought of as an issue that only happens to children and teenagers. The fact of the matter is that bullying can happen at any age or at any point in one’s life. What remains the same? Bullying is not alright at any age.
Whether you are experiencing physical, material, verbal, passive-aggressive or even cyber bullying as an adult, here are some things to consider.
By: Cassandra Nordal
For those of you that don’t know, a Situationship is a romantic relationship that’s undefined or maybe even uncommitted. It is NOT the same as “friends with benefits.” It may be someone that you’ve been comfortably hooking up with for some period of time, or someone that has close intimacy with you but doesn’t refer to you as a partner. Sometimes, having undefined relationships is super fun, sexually satisfying, and liberating, even. Plus, a Situationship gives you time to get to know somebody without feeling pressured to make a big decision about commitment.
So how do you know if you’re in one? What’s the difference between an “open relationship” or “friends with benefits?”
Avoid the next argument with these simple tips for diffusing a disagreement.
How do we know the difference between a rough patch in an otherwise healthy relationship, versus the emergence of toxicity?
While it may be impossible to try and change them, there are things you can do to help yourself when dealing with them.
It’s okay to move on and focus on what is working for you, right?
I bet by reading this title, an individual’s name came to your mind. We spend a lot of hours at work, surrounded by people that we didn’t choose. Nobody gets along with everybody, as we all have different personalities, bad habits, and varying thresholds for bull$%&#. On one hand, working with individuals that we would not have otherwise known can be great fun! Personally, I have formed deep friendships with colleagues I have encountered throughout my life, rooted in commonalities, respect, and shared humour.
However, on the other hand, a disliked colleague can be a source of much stress and irritation. I have spoken with many clients that are feeling overwhelmed with stress due to the behavior of a colleague. It’s important to remember: there’s no need to give another person this much power over you. No one is responsible for our emotions but us, so let’s take back that power! Easier said than done, I know, but here are a few things to try, because simply venting/gossiping to other colleagues won’t change a thing:
Technology seems to be dominating our lives today. Whether it is your cell phone, computer, PlayStation, TV, or anything else, we are always surrounded by it.
Don’t get me wrong, I love watching Netflix and checking Facebook; I’m not a technology hater. However, I have noticed that a common theme among people today, myself included, is that technology is beginning to interfere with our relationships.
If you were to add up the time you spend using technology throughout the day, you would probably be surprised by just how often you’re on it. Many people can’t even make it through a meal without checking their phone. When we see everyone else checking their phone, we then feel compelled to check ours. Instead of talking with each other face-to-face, we bury ourselves in our technology.
When we are continually using technology in the presence of others, we are ignoring them. While you may be listening, to them it looks like you are more interested in what is on your phone than what they have to say. Remember how you have felt when you’ve been ignored. Were you hurt, angry, sad, frustrated? All of those are valid responses. While this may be annoying when you’re trying to have a normal conversation with someone, imagine if they are trying to talk to you about something important. Then it may feel like you are ignoring their feelings, or worse, that Facebook is more important than them. When this happens frequently, the person may just stop trying to engage with you.
This ultimately causes a rift in relationships - when we feel like we can’t express our thoughts and feelings because the other person is too busy being lost in technology. We end up burying these feelings which eventually can turn into resentment and anger. If these feelings are not dealt with, it can ruin a relationship.
How can we fix this?
Is it common for you to be disappointed or upset by what people do?
If you feel unfairly targeted, criticized, or downright disliked by others a lot of the time, there’s a good chance that you’re suffering a lot more than you should, because you’re taking things personally.
As it was so eloquently written about by Seija Grant in her “People are not against you, they are for themselves” article, we often forget that people are much more focused on themselves than on us, just like we are more focused on our own lives and feelings than we are on others. And that’s pretty normal. In fact, the more intense one’s personal suffering, the more difficult it is to consider the world beyond their own headspace.
To personalize something is to make it about, or for, you, like things engraved with your name on them, or the way a room can be decorated to make you happy by reflecting your own likes and dislikes.
But personalizing is also a way of taking a situation, running it through the grinder of our perceptions, assumptions, and beliefs, and then making it about US.
Ok…kidding, not an actual psycho, but you know what I mean. We’re talking about someone who is extremely challenging to deal with, who knows which buttons to press, and always seems to get involved in your business somehow.
I know it’s tempting to engage with their baiting behaviour, to take out your anger and frustration at them, to fight back or lash out. Let us help you by recommending some alternatives that will reduce the impact this person is having wreaking havoc on your life.
Here are some tips that may be useful:
This article topic was requested and I have been thinking long and hard about the meaning of this quote, and how to discuss it. I have recently come across examples of people making decisions to further their careers, or make steps towards their goals that as a side effect, harm others. When I say harm others, I do not mean bodily harm, but more of an emotional wound, relational injury or impacting others’ beliefs. Some of the sentiments related to this topic that have been relayed to me include: hurt feelings, breach of trust, and feeling as though they have been stabbed in the back. None of these things have a positive impact on a person, unless it is to increase their resilience. However, if you are one of these people who have been affected by another’s decision to better themselves, then I have some recommendations that you may want to try out to ease the pain.
I may start sounding like a broken record, but I truly believe we need more of this in our world: try on some empathy for size. What I mean by that is, put yourself in the other’s shoes. Can you see how they might have come to this decision? Do you think they intended to hurt you personally? Might this have been a once in a lifetime opportunity for them? Usually, this technique can help us to understand both sides of the story instead of being stuck in a one-sided loop, creating more resentment and anger towards the situation and the person who had ‘wronged’ you. Also, it is a great exercise to practice that may cause you to have a deeper understanding of the human psyche.
Another idea is not to take it personally. Of course, this is easier said than done. As humans we are hard-wired for survival…however, sometimes these reflexes work to our detriment. If a person has wronged us, we are weary to let them do it again by putting up walls to protect ourselves. Learning from our mistakes is a great thing, but not if it means closing yourself off to the world. Instead of keeping it to yourself, isolating, brooding, emotional stuffing, or passive aggressive behavior—try talking about it to someone you trust, increasing your positive relations with people in your life. However, there is a thin line. Some venting can be beneficial, but don’t become engulfed in the negativity--get it out and move on. Try to challenge yourself by coming up with a different way you may be able to view the situation, such as finding a silver lining, or a positive flip-side. Changing your negative thoughts to a more positive framework can go a long way in increasing your overall happiness.
Written for you, by local therapists.
NWO’s source for all things relationships, mental health, wellness, and lifestyle: Kelly Magazine is a mental health outreach initiative created by Kelly Mental Health and supported by Kelly Mental Health Foundation, a non-profit organization dedicated to improving the community in the area of mental health.
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