𝒷𝓎​ Lara Hollway, MSW, RSW

​Grief does not come with a manual. It is a raw, powerful, and all-consuming emotion and experience.

When we lose somebody significant in our lives, we will always feel that loss, because their significance never goes away. We never get over it. However, taking it day by day, we can slowly start to heal from the shock and trauma of the initial loss. Additionally, grief can result from more than just death.
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We grieve when someone dies. We grieve when a pet passes away. We grieve when a relationship ends. We grieve when we lose our jobs. We grieve when we move. We grieve when our health declines. Essentially, we can experience grief anytime our life changes in a way that is unwelcome and out of our control. 

​If mental health refers to the emotional, spiritual and psychological well-being of a person, what does Community Mental Health mean? 

​Like an individual, a community’s mental health can be affected by grief, financial hardships, and traumas. When a community member passes away, most people in that community are affected in some way. Some individuals will need to work extended hours while a co-worker takes a bereavement leave, some teachers or childcare workers will find themselves providing comfort and support to children who are grieving, and many people will simply bear the pall of loss that echoes throughout the lives of the people they know. 

​“I realize that sometimes I may come off as angry, aloof, quiet, unapproachable and difficult to talk to, but there is more to me than what others may realize. I have anxiety!” 

Having anxiety means that one may come off as a bad friend, a coworker that doesn’t care, or even somewhat antisocial to others, but this is hardly the case. The actuality is that people who are struggling to cope with their anxiety care and they care a lot! Fear is a big component of anxiety and keeps those that struggle with it from having meaningful conversations with others, from texting friends whom they really want to spend time with, and fear that they may be a nuisance if they build up the nerve to pick up the phone or to actually have that conversation.  People who are struggling to cope with their anxiety are overwhelmed, may feel like crying, and may even get angry if the thought of breaking down crying in front of others would be just too embarrassing. Anxiety is the reason why they may not make good eye contact, that they may be quiet in groups of people, and it is not because they are distracted, don’t care, or are quietly judging others.

People with anxiety are not just quiet! While they may present as quiet on the outside at times, there is often an internal turmoil boiling over inside.  Inside they may be struggling with trying to minimize the symptoms of their anxiety that others might see on the outside, they may be trying not bring attention to themselves, they may be going over and over again in their mind trying to figure out what is next or how to say what they really want to say out loud.  People with anxiety are not a$$holes, they are people who want to be accepted and liked by others, like anyone else!

​While 1 in 3 Canadian women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime, sexual offences are less likely than any other violent crime to result in a guilty verdict. Only 5% of sexual assaults are reported to police. The Government of Canada statistics say that an estimated 0.3% of perpetrators of sexual assault are held accountable, whereas over 99% are not. Time and time again we see sexual assault charges being thrown out or dismissed. And even if the person is convicted, the sentence usually isn’t too harsh. So, what should we do as sexual assault survivors? Should we report what happened to us or not?

​When I talk about ‘finding a good fit’ I am referring to the therapeutic relationship between client and therapist. One of the most important factors of therapeutic success is having a strong therapeutic alliance. The importance of this is significant, as you (the client) need to be able to trust the therapist enough to share some of the most vulnerable parts of yourself. Outside of a therapy context, you probably wouldn’t go around sharing all of your most secret, private (possibly darkest) parts of yourself with just anybody, so why should it be different when it comes to therapy?  As a client you have the right to try out counsellors to find one that suits you. If you don’t feel it is a good fit, don’t be afraid to ask for an appointment with a different counsellor next time (if this is an option at the agency or organization you are attending). Therapists are aware of the importance of this factor and ultimately want you to be successful and thrive in counselling…even if it isn’t with them.  I personally would much rather have a client transfer to another therapist than for them to miss out on all of the benefits of counselling, just because we weren’t a good match.

There can be several reasons for a lack of ‘good fit’ between client and counsellor. Some of the factors to consider:

Do you ever notice that you struggle with a low mood, that you are lacking energy, or are moodier in the fall and winter seasons?  Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is a type of depression that occurs seasonally and is related to the changes in level of sunlight that you are exposed to during seasons of low daylight.  It is important to realize that SAD can occur at other times of the year, for example, for those who work nightshifts who may not have access to as much natural light as those that are awake during the day.  Some of the reasons that SAD may occur involves a lack of natural light that may actually affect your biological clock or circadian rhythm and may influence the release of chemicals in your body such as serotonin, dopamine, and melatonin, affecting your mood. 
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​The use of animals to help people emotionally and mentally seems to be on the rise lately. But can they actually help? While an animal is not a replacement for medical treatment or counselling, they can help to improve your well-being… as long as you like animals.

​There are 3 different types of animals that can provide support:
 
Service Animals – These animals are specially trained and paired with someone who needs assistance physically, mentally, or emotionally. (For example, people who are blind, have epilepsy or PTSD, etc.)
 
Therapy Animals – These animals have training (not as much as service animals) and are used in short-term sessions to help improve people’s well-being. They can also be used in a group setting or one-on-one.
 
Emotional Support Animals – These animals do not have specialized training, but are more than “just a pet” because they provide comfort to their owner when they are in distress.
 
How can animals help? When with an animal that you like, it releases the chemical oxytocin in the brain. This chemical generates feelings of love, trust, cooperation, optimism, calmness, and safety. This chemical can help in a variety of ways.

​Throughout our lives, we often create undue stress by placing people or situations in “either/or” categories, such as thinking things are either right or wrong or as successes or failures. We create a world that is limited to black-and-white thinking. We do this because it gives us a sense of security and control over life’s uncertainties. This kind of thinking tricks us into believing we have everything figured out; which feels good, but only temporarily.
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The truth is black-and-white thinking actually narrows our vision and creates insecurity. It colours all of our experiences, pressures us to live in extremes, and does not account for the “gray area.” Thus, if your performance ever falls short of perfect, you will be inclined to see yourself as a total failure. As you can see, this type of thinking can be emotionally and physically damaging. The fact is life does not work that way. Life is actually full of subtle balance and varying degrees in every area. In fact, there are really very few situations where gray areas cannot be considered. 

They say that perfectionism can lead to depression. Countless studies explain how perfectionists continually set unrealistic standards for themselves, and feel like failures when they fall short on their expectations. Anything less than perfect is unacceptable, yet perfection is unattainable. It’s one thing to feel as though you’re not good enough unless you’re flawless. Imagine being told that, over and over. This is a story about how my childhood sport distorted my adult reality. First, imagine you are a child competing in the biggest gymnastics competition of your life. 

You begin with a perfect 10. 

I used to call it “piling.” The books refer to it as “the Snowball Effect.” 

It’s the sense that negative experiences continuously add up to make you feel completely hopeless and overwhelmed. Like a stack of assignments that piles up. Each one adds a little more stress, and eventually it gets so high that you feel you'll never get through it.
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We spilled the coffee. Bam. 
Someone makes a snide remark. There’s another one. 
Car won’t start. Ouch. 
Dog decides to make a fort out of toilet paper. 
You face another rejection, and it reminds you of all the other ones that have bothered you since the dawn of time and then it feels like life isn’t worth it and everything sucks…

This is when you have to stop. Breathe. 

Notice what’s happening as the slippery slope of negativity takes over. Do you feel the pull?

Ground yourself. 

Allow yourself to put those thoughts on the shelf for a moment or two while you appreciate the colours on the walls around you. Someone took the time to pick out those colours. Imagine how they must have looked, standing in front of the colour cards, comparing minute differences between shades, wondering which one was really going to transform the room. Think about the way the chair beneath you presses up against you. someone, maybe a thousand miles away from you, took the time to experiment with chairs to find out the best way to support the human body, and their effort is quietly working beneath you every day, allowing you to focus on what’s really important. 

Snowballing or "piling" is a common cognitive distortion, and it’s one that we face when we are too focused on the bad stuff, when we haven’t gotten enough sleep, when we face too many disappointments all at once and don’t have adequate time to recover.

Next time it happens to you, force yourself to take the time to recover, because you can. you are in charge of you. Take 30 seconds, ground yourself, and things will seem far more manageable.

How you feel is within your control.