How we handle a disclosure from a loved one can either help or hinder the healing process. I was devastated.
The disclosure came up after I found myself pressing her and bugging her because she didn’t seem to be interested in sex at all, and like most people, I took it personally, believing that I wasn’t good enough. We were moving into #deadbedroom territory, and sharing my embarrassing concerns with people in similar situations were met with fierce warnings to abandon the relationship as soon as possible, because “take it from us; it’s not going to get any better.” My pestering must have gotten to her. I almost laughed because I thought she was joking when she told me. In what world could that have ever happened to someone that I knew personally? And then I saw her face. She cried silently, and I cried too, overwhelmed with the idea that someone could have hurt her. No matter when or if someone comes forward with their story, it does not make it any less true. In Ontario, May is recognized as Sexual Assault Awareness Month to bring attention to the devastating impact sexual assault has on survivors. It is also a time to discuss how to prevent this violence from happening and how we can better support survivors. There is still a long way to go to end the stigma of being a sexual assault survivor and to help survivors have easy access to much needed services such as counselling, proper medical attention, and legal support. You can help raise awareness by wearing purple and having these conversations about how to support survivors and stop the violence. With the strength of the #MeToo movement, this is becoming a question many people are asking. Some are generally curious and don’t know the answer. Others try to use the fact that someone did not come forward sooner as a way to challenge their claim. There is no simple answer. Everyone has their own reasons for coming forward or keeping it to themselves. Some people may never disclose what happened to them, while others may take a while to discuss their story.
Many factors can lead you to question if you were sexually assaulted or not. In Ontario, May is recognized as Sexual Assault Awareness Month to bring attention to the devastating impact sexual assault has on survivors. It is also a time to discuss how to prevent this violence from happening and how we can better support survivors. There is still a long way to go to end the stigma of being a sexual assault survivor and to help survivors have easy access to much needed services such as counselling, proper medical attention, and legal support. You can help raise awareness by wearing purple and having these conversations about how to support survivors and stop the violence. When determining if you’ve been sexually assaulted, most people believe they would know if it happened to them. Sadly, that is not always the case. This is especially true when sexual assault is perpetrated by somebody close to you; it can be difficult to understand what happened. There are many factors that lead people to believe what happened to them was normal or not assault.
In Ontario, May is recognized as Sexual Assault Awareness Month to bring attention to the devastating impact sexual assault has on survivors. It is also a time to discuss how to prevent this violence from happening and how we can better support survivors. There is still a long way to go to end the stigma of being a sexual assault survivor and to help survivors have easy access to much needed services such as counselling, proper medical attention, and legal support. You can help raise awareness by wearing purple and having these conversations about how to support survivors and stop the violence.  Sexual assault is common, with incidents usually occurring between people that know each other. While there’s a big difference between being attacked by a stranger and having consent violated by a partner, the pain and degradation that results is much the same.
When the most common questions after an assault like this are, “why didn’t you fight back?” or “why didn’t you report it right away?” victims can be made to feel interrogated, demeaned, and further victimized. I hope that the following story can explain a little more about why people aren’t always capable of doing so. TRIGGER WARNING: Sexuality, Coarse Language, Sexual Assault In Ontario, May is recognized as Sexual Assault Awareness Month to bring attention to the devastating impact sexual assault has on survivors. It is also a time to discuss how to prevent this violence from happening and how we can better support survivors. There is still a long way to go to end the stigma of being a sexual assault survivor and to help survivors have easy access to much needed services such as counselling, proper medical attention, and legal support. You can help raise awareness by wearing purple and having these conversations about how to support survivors and stop the violence.  Learning that your partner has experienced sexual abuse can be devastating. No one wants anyone they care about to be harmed. You might be feeling sadness for your partner, anger at their abuser, confused about what to do, or anything in between.
If you’re in this situation and you want to support your partner, here are some things you can do to help: In Ontario, May is recognized as Sexual Assault Awareness Month to bring attention to the devastating impact sexual assault has on survivors. It is also a time to discuss how to prevent this violence from happening and how we can better support survivors. There is still a long way to go to end the stigma of being a sexual assault survivor and to help survivors have easy access to much needed services such as counselling, proper medical attention, and legal support. You can help raise awareness by wearing purple and having these conversations about how to support survivors and stop the violence.  You’ve probably heard of the flight or fight response, but what is less talked about is the freeze response. This response is very common with sexual assault. While the brain uses this method to try to survive a threat, society will often view freezing or lack of fighting as a sign of consent and as a way to blame the survivor for not trying to stop the attack.
This is NOT the case. When your brain freezes, this happens outside of conscious thought; you don’t get to choose not to freeze.
4/29/2019
Coping with Grief Grief does not come with a manual. It is a raw, powerful, and all-consuming emotion and experience.
When we lose somebody significant in our lives, we will always feel that loss, because their significance never goes away. We never get over it. However, taking it day by day, we can slowly start to heal from the shock and trauma of the initial loss. Additionally, grief can result from more than just death. We grieve when someone dies. We grieve when a pet passes away. We grieve when a relationship ends. We grieve when we lose our jobs. We grieve when we move. We grieve when our health declines. Essentially, we can experience grief anytime our life changes in a way that is unwelcome and out of our control.
4/24/2019
Yes, 1 Person CAN Make a Difference If mental health refers to the emotional, spiritual and psychological well-being of a person, what does Community Mental Health mean? Community Mental Health refers to the emotional, spiritual and psychological wellness of a group of people. Like an individual, a community’s mental health can be affected by grief, financial hardships, and traumas. When a community member passes away, most people in that community are affected in some way. Some individuals will need to work extended hours while a co-worker takes a bereavement leave, some teachers or childcare workers will find themselves providing comfort and support to children who are grieving, and many people will simply bear the pall of loss that echoes throughout the lives of the people they know.
3/18/2019
I am not an a$$, I am anxious! “I realize that sometimes I may come off as angry, aloof, quiet, unapproachable and difficult to talk to, but there is more to me than what others may realize. I have anxiety!”
Having anxiety means that one may come off as a bad friend, a coworker that doesn’t care, or even somewhat antisocial to others, but this is hardly the case. The actuality is that people who are struggling to cope with their anxiety care and they care a lot! Fear is a big component of anxiety and keeps those that struggle with it from having meaningful conversations with others, from texting friends whom they really want to spend time with, and fear that they may be a nuisance if they build up the nerve to pick up the phone or to actually have that conversation. People who are struggling to cope with their anxiety are overwhelmed, may feel like crying, and may even get angry if the thought of breaking down crying in front of others would be just too embarrassing. Anxiety is the reason why they may not make good eye contact, that they may be quiet in groups of people, and it is not because they are distracted, don’t care, or are quietly judging others. People with anxiety are not just quiet! While they may present as quiet on the outside at times, there is often an internal turmoil boiling over inside. Inside they may be struggling with trying to minimize the symptoms of their anxiety that others might see on the outside, they may be trying not bring attention to themselves, they may be going over and over again in their mind trying to figure out what is next or how to say what they really want to say out loud. People with anxiety are not a$$holes, they are people who want to be accepted and liked by others, like anyone else!  While 1 in 3 Canadian women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime, sexual offences are less likely than any other violent crime to result in a guilty verdict. Only 5% of sexual assaults are reported to police. The Government of Canada statistics say that an estimated 0.3% of perpetrators of sexual assault are held accountable, whereas over 99% are not. Time and time again we see sexual assault charges being thrown out or dismissed. And even if the person is convicted, the sentence usually isn’t too harsh. So, what should we do as sexual assault survivors? Should we report what happened to us or not?
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OverviewKelly Magazine is a mental health outreach initiative supported by Kelly Mental Health Foundation, a non-profit organization dedicated to improving the community in the area of mental health.
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