𝒷𝓎​ ​Kelly Graham, MSW, RSW

𝒷𝓎​ Marianne Wylie, MSW, RSW

𝒷𝓎​ Piper Rasmussen

The science of happiness tells us that being happy is basically...  a choice. Yup, you heard me, a choice. As if it was that easy. But, if you’re struggling to make lemonade when it feels like all life hands you are lemons, you are not alone. Here are a couple things to keep in mind when you're struggling to see the sunshine among all that rain. 

You are wanted & you are needed
Take a second and think about the most important people in your life. I guarantee you, whoever it is, they want to see you happy. Have you spent time with them lately? If you’re looking for a reason to be happy, this is the place to start.
 
You can’t buy happiness
Time to let go of the jealousy and materialistic longing. Happiness doesn’t come from having the nicest car, or the best clothes. Happiness comes from confidence and knowing your worth.
 
Sleep more
We know that sleep helps our body recover from the day and repair itself. Sleep helps us focus and be more productive. It turns out, sleep is also important for happiness. Allowing your brain to rest will make facing those tough emotions easier and more manageable.
 
Happy people are healthier
​“Happy” habits include letting go of grudges, expressing gratitude, treating others with kindness and regarding your problems as challenges. Living in the present, waking up at the same time each morning, eating right and exercising are other “secrets” that happy people tend to embrace.

​I am fairly confident I am not the only one who feels a bit of excitement/relief when a plan with a friend gets canceled.

This is not because I don’t want to spend time with said friend, but it means I don’t have to socialize, can stay home and snuggle my dog, and don’t have to feel guilty that the plans didn’t work out.
​
However, when the time comes and I am the one who wants to cancel plans because I simply don’t feel like socializing, I automatically feel a sense of guilt take over and my thoughts begin to race. Will they be mad? Do I seem unreliable? What if I miss out? What if they choose to not make plans anymore with me? 

“Yesterday’s the past, tomorrow’s the future, but today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.” By Bil Keane
 
Have you ever heard this quote? It is a wise statement that talks about the importance of being able to enjoy the current moment, the here and now. But do you ever find it hard to enjoy the present? Does your mind focus on worrying about various things beyond your control? What if I burn dinner? What if my boss is unhappy with me? What if I can’t get everything done? What if she does not recover? What if...? What if…? What if…? Have others told you that you worry too much? Has someone called you a Worry Wart? No, you are not crazy.
 
Worrying is a pattern of thinking that our brain can get wrapped up in. Worry is the process of thinking about possible future outcomes, usually negative or fearful in nature, that can cause distress. It is normal to worry from time to time. It becomes a problem when it is negatively interfering with your ability to enjoy your life – to relax when you finally have the time, to sleep, or if you are avoiding the situations that you worry about. Although worrying can be useful, such as when we are planning to be prepared for something that is likely to happen…too much of it can make it hard to relax and enjoy our day.
 
Have you tried deep breathing, meditation or distractions to try and ease your worrying - but nothing seems to be working? Feeling frustrated? If you are finding that your worries just won’t let up, it might be that you actually need to allow the worry, but in a constructive way. Worrying is just the brain’s way of trying to problem solve possible future scenarios, and sometimes the brain can get stuck along the path to problem solving and enter in an unhelpful pattern of excessive worrying.

​Here are 4 steps to improve your mental health by easing your mind of worry so that you can enjoy the here and now.

1. PAUSE. Take a moment to close your eyes and visualize yourself constructing a wall between you and the worrying thoughts. It is okay to put them aside for now.
2. BREATHE. Notice your breath… the sounds of your breath, the feeling of the air as you inhale and exhale, the temperature of the air. Bring your shoulders back and let them fall from your ears. Allow your next breath in to be a little deeper and your next breath out to be a little longer. Continue to breathe this way.
3. DISTRACT yourself. Engage in an activity that stimulates the mind. Read an interesting book or article. Call a loved one. Do a craft. Write a list of things you are grateful for. Play a board or card game. Tidy up. Listen to music. Watch funny videos. Go for a walk and bring your attention to as many details in your environment as you can.
4. Be COMPASSIONATE with yourself. You may notice your worrying thoughts keep trying to return. This is normal. Your brain is only doing what it knows best… think. Don’t beat yourself up about it – it will only make it worse. Just notice that the worrying thought is there and allow it to leave as you focus on your breathing. After all, there is nothing that can be done about the thing you are worrying about in this moment. This moment is yours. Be gentle with yourself, with the thoughts you have and enjoy the now.

Bibliography:
Bourne, E. (2015). The Anxiety and Phobia Workbood: Sixth Ed.
Linehan, M. (2015). DBT Skills Training Manual, Second Ed. The Guilford Press. Pg. 2013-220, 439. 

We like feeling happiness, joy, love and contentment. We often don’t want to feel fear, sadness, despair, anger, frustration, jealousy and guilt. In fact, many of us will try and avoid these emotions at all costs. It is understandable as they can be very difficult to experience. However, a big part of healing involves allowing the space to feel the emotions. Emotions are our messengers for how we are doing in relation to our environment. This means, there are no good or bad emotions. All emotions are equally relevant and important. They are there for a reason.

​What is your emotion telling you?

• Fear tells us that there may be danger and to prepare for it. It also tells us that what we are fearing is important to us. The right amount of fear motivates us to take care of the situation.
• Anger lets us know that we or people we love have been wronged or that an important goal has been interrupted. Anger gives us energy so that we can fix what has been wronged; so that we can advocate for ourselves and for those who need our support.
• Joy informs us that things are going well, we are feeling healthy and happy. It tells us to continue doing what we are doing.
• Jealousy tells us that there is a threat to an important relationship or object to us.
• Sadness lets us know that we have lost someone or something dear to us or that things are not as expected.
• Envy lets us know that other(s) have something we don’t have or need.
• Guilt informs us that our own behaviour is not consistent with our values or morals.
• Love tells us that someone cares and we care about them. It improves the quality of life and helps us reach our personal goals.

 
Allowing the space to see what emotion we are feeling gives us power over it. We then allow it to process rather than feeling like we are stuck in it. Some ways you can allow space for the emotion is to talk to a person you feel comfortable with, to write it out in a journal, sit in silent reflection, or let it out in counselling.

​What you are feeling is valid and it is telling you something. What do you hear?
 
Source:
Linehand, M.M. (2015). DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, 2nd Ed. Page 229.

​Have you ever wondered what your dreams mean? We all spend about one-third of our lives dreaming, whether you remember them or not. Dream interpretation dates back thousands of years. However, there are still a variety of theories on how to interpret dreams. By trying to understand your dreams, you may be able to find out more about yourself that you may not know.
 
Dreaming occurs during rapid eye movement (REM) sleep. There are a variety of factors that can affect your dreams. You age, gender, personality, and the events that occurred throughout the day, all have an impact on what dreams you have. Because we experience so many things in a day, we do not have time to process them all. This is where dreams come into play. They can help us process what we saw, felt, and thought during the day. Even what is happening around you while you sleep can also make it into your dream. This can include temperature changes, noises, sensations, even needing to pee. If you have strong feelings before you go to bed such as being anxious or worried, you will sleep lighter and have a better chance of remembering your dreams. However, this can also cause you to wake up before your dream is over. Dreams can also help us process many other events in our lives.
 
If you are worried, excited, traumatized, or have any strong emotions relating to a certain memory, then your brain uses dreams to help process the event and the feelings that occurred during, and because of, the event. If these memories and feelings are repressed, then they can still come out in your dreams. When you are awake, it is easier for your brain to repress unwanted thoughts, feelings, or memories. However, when you are sleeping these aspects can be less censored and make their way into your dreams. You may not always recognize them though.