WIN. You’re probably wondering what I’m talking about. Win what? Communication? A fight? How do I do that? - Let me explain. Communication is one of the biggest issues in any relationship. This can be a lack of communication or miscommunication. Often, we try to express ourselves but it can come out wrong or cause the other person to feel defensive. What I want to talk about is one of the simplest, but most effective, techniques for communication. Are you ready for it? WIN. That is W-I-N. W – “When you… (insert behaviour)” I – “I feel… (insert emotion)” N – “I need… (insert recommendation for a solution to the issue)” By using this simple formula, you communicate your feelings and needs in a clear, nonconfrontational, way. Using “I” statements puts the focus on you, instead of what the other person has or hasn’t done. When we start by saying, “you did this,” or “you did that,” this automatically can make the other person feel defensive. They may feel like they are being attacked or judged. When this happens, people tend to turn off and can become defensive or become quiet and shut down. Think about a mouse that is cornered by a cat. They may either try to run, freeze or fight back. This is the mode people get into when they feel attacked. This does not make for a productive conversation and can harm the relationship. Instead, focusing on using “I” statements shows that you aren’t cornering them, but just talking to them about how you feel. This makes people more open to communicating and hearing what you have to say.
By also including what you need or a possible solution to the problem, people then feel like they have a better understanding of what needs to be done to help the situation. Instead of them guessing or trying to figure out what will help, and then you feeling disappointed because it didn’t actually help, you can tell them what you want/need. However, be willing to negotiate. This is another important step in relationships, compromise. This is the best way to make sure everybody’s needs are met, and the relationship stays intact. It is the best solution for a win-win situation. By using W-I-N, you can tell people how you feel when they act a certain way and how it affects your relationship with them, tell them what you think about their behaviour without accusing or attacking them, and begin to find solutions to the problem that help you both. This is a simple way people can communicate their feelings and needs, with a good chance of them be listened to and solutions being found. |
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OverviewNWO’s source for all things relationships, mental health, wellness, lifestyle, and pandemic support. Kelly Magazine is a mental health outreach initiative created by Kelly Mental Health and supported by Kelly Mental Health Foundation, a non-profit organization dedicated to improving the community in the area of mental health.
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