Lights, Camera, Confident: Body Image and Boudoir Shots

"Even just looking at the raw images on her camera, I saw how amazing I looked. Just me. Laying on a bed in the sunlight. All it took was looking at myself in a different way to see how beautiful I was all along." 

𝒷𝓎 Kelly Graham, MSW, RSW

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​Throughout my life, I have had trouble loving and accepting my body. I have been called fat, been made fun of for my acne, and had other comments directed at me that destroyed my self-esteem. So, you may be surprised to hear that I had a boudoir photo shoot, and loved almost every picture of myself. While the thought of having your picture taken (especially with less clothing on) can be terrifying to people who don’t love their bodies, trying to see yourself in a new or different way can help you fall in love with yourself again. 
 
Early last year I joined a local group on Facebook which showcased boudoir photoshoots. All of the women looked fantastic, and I thought about doing a shoot myself. But I was scared of how I would look. Would my lack of a flat stomach ruin the picture? Would I realize just how unattractive I am? In the year before my photo shoot, I was completing my Master’s Degree and in a relationship. While both of those things brought so much happiness to my life, it did cause my healthy habits to become less of a priority. I was heavier than I had ever been and hated my body. My pants were tight; my shirts didn’t fit the same; I kept wondering what my boyfriend even saw in me. With my Master’s coming to an end, I wanted to give myself a graduation present. I was thinking about this boudoir shoot, but would I really want to pay for photos to show my body that I wasn’t happy with? I ended up winning a prize on the Facebook group that put money towards a shoot. I figured it was a sign and decided to go for it.
 
Going into the day of the photo shoot, I was nervous. I had no idea how these pictures would turn out. How would my body even look in lingerie? I sprung for the more expensive package and got my hair and makeup done, because why not. That helped give me some confidence. As I put on my first outfit and started to pose, I felt very weird and awkward. I wasn’t a model. There’s no way that I look good right now. All of these self-defeating thoughts were running through my head. And then the photographer showed me a few pictures on her camera. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I looked amazing! My stomach didn’t look like the mountain I thought it was. I looked sexy and hot! As the photo shoot went on, my confidence grew. She would show me more and more pictures, and I started to let go and have fun.
 
The more into the photoshoot I got, the more I remembered what I loved about myself. The colour of my hair, my eyes, my boobs, my tattoos, even my stomach looked good! I felt more confident than I had in awhile. I didn’t care if I had gained some weight; I looked good! I got what I wanted out of the experience; to help myself see how beautiful I am when I was feeling very down about how I looked. That’s why I did this photoshoot. Not for my boyfriend (although he liked it), not to “show off” my body to anybody; I did it for me. To see how beautiful I am, even when I believe I’m not.
 
While photo shoots can be scary, having someone who knows how to take flattering pictures can help you see the beauty in yourself that others see. It helps you see yourself differently, instead of staring into the mirror and picking apart everything you hate. Even when you think you look bad; your mind makes you think it’s a million times worse than it really is. You may be skeptical and think “well of course with my hair and makeup done, professional lighting, nice settings, and photoshop I’ll look good!” And why shouldn’t you? You deserve to see yourself in the best way possible. However, you don’t need all of this stuff to realize how beautiful you are. While all of this can accentuate your best features, that is still you in the picture. That they cannot photoshop. You look that amazing because, in reality, you look that amazing! For my shoot, we used sunlight, lingerie I already owned, her house, and she only lightly photoshopped the final pictures (shadows or blemishes). 
 
She did not use Photoshop to change the way I looked. Even just looking at the raw images on her camera, I saw how amazing I looked. Just me. Laying on a bed in the sunlight. All it took was looking at myself in a different way to see how beautiful I was all along.   

​While boudoir shoots may not be for everyone, my experience shows that there are a variety of ways people can learn to love themselves again. We have to get out of our self-criticizing thoughts and learn to love ourselves again. Focus on what you love about yourself (even if it’s just one thing). Ask others you trust what they love about you. Even just dressing yourself up to look fancy by what clothes you wear or how you do your hair and makeup, can help you feel better. Find your own path that helps you see how amazing you are. If you can get out of your own way by doing something different (like a photo shoot), you’ll see just how beautiful you are again.

Boudoir by DNdark