Technology’s Impact on Our Relationships

By Kelly Graham, MSW, RSW

Technology seems to be dominating our lives today. Whether it is your cell phone, computer, PlayStation, TV, or anything else, we are always surrounded by it.
 
Don’t get me wrong, I love watching Netflix and checking Facebook; I’m not a technology hater. However, I have noticed that a common theme among people today, myself included, is that technology is beginning to interfere with our relationships.
 
If you were to add up the time you spend using technology throughout the day, you would probably be surprised by just how often you’re on it. Many people can’t even make it through a meal without checking their phone. When we see everyone else checking their phone, we then feel compelled to check ours. Instead of talking with each other face-to-face, we bury ourselves in our technology.
 
When we are continually using technology in the presence of others, we are ignoring them. While you may be listening, to them it looks like you are more interested in what is on your phone than what they have to say. Remember how you have felt when you’ve been ignored. Were you hurt, angry, sad, frustrated? All of those are valid responses. While this may be annoying when you’re trying to have a normal conversation with someone, imagine if they are trying to talk to you about something important. Then it may feel like you are ignoring their feelings, or worse, that Facebook is more important than them. When this happens frequently, the person may just stop trying to engage with you. 

​This ultimately causes a rift in relationships - when we feel like we can’t express our thoughts and feelings because the other person is too busy being lost in technology. We end up burying these feelings which eventually can turn into resentment and anger. If these feelings are not dealt with, it can ruin a relationship.

​How can we fix this?
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1. Set Aside Times That Are Technology Free. This can be during meal time, date nights, anytime that works. Connect with those around you without the distraction of technology. Go for a walk, play a board game, go out to eat, or do something else fun without technology. While you may point out that restaurants have TVs and you can’t avoid that, just ignore the TV and focus on who you are at dinner with.
2. Limit the Time You Use Technology. Begin to cut back on the time you spend watching TV or playing video games. Instead of checking your phone every few minutes, challenge yourself to wait just a little longer. Eventually, it will become easier. There are also apps, or features depending on your phone that show you how often you use your phone and allows you to put limits on yourself. You can also ask others in your life to help you with this goal so they can hold you accountable.  
3. Be More Aware. Try and be more aware of how often you use technology, how others may feel when you’re always using it, and how it may be affecting those around you.
4. If You Are Feeling Ignored, Speak Up. Let the person know how you are feeling. Many times, people don’t understand that them being on their phone, watching TV, or playing a video game makes people feel this way. Use “I feel” statements, and avoid accusing them of what you’re assuming. They probably don’t realize how it feels to be staring at the back side of a phone while you’re trying to have a conversation with the person behind it!  

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While technology has helped make our lives a lot easier, and possibly more interesting, it can still contribute to people drifting further apart from one another. Instead of spending time connecting with the people around us, we are fixated on what is happening in the digital world. While we may think we are connected to more people with technology (I mean, just look at how many Facebook friends you have), these connections may be more on the surface level, and are less likely to provide us with the love and support we need in our lives. We need to value those around us and show them that we care, and we can do that by taking much-needed breaks from our devices!