Are You The Perfect Friend?

By: Kristen Sohlman, MACP RP

There are a lot of ideas about what makes a good friend…a friend should be there for you no matter what, doesn’t judge you, is kind and respectful. While this idea is nice, I question whether this is realistic, does this idea perpetuate perfectionism in friendships, and what happens when a friend does not live up to these expectations?  

Friends are humans first, they are not perfect, they make mistakes, and in fact, the longer you have been friends with someone the more likely that this has happened.  As a result, some would say that a good friend has the ability to recognize that friends are fallible and are capable of making mistakes.
 
“The best thing that a friend ever did for me was that they accepted me just as I was.” 
 
Friendships can have a positive impact on your mental and physical health and wellbeing.  Friendships prevent loneliness through companionship, increase a sense of belonging and purpose, increase happiness, improve self-esteem, self-confidence and self-worth, as well as increase feelings of safety and security.  To be accepted just as you are by another person: the good, the bad, and the ugly, can increase emotional connectedness within friendships.  
It is not easy to build friendships. Friendships change over time.  It is not easy to maintain friendships.  Sometimes partners, school, work, children, health issues, aging parents, etc. just get in the way.  Friendships are important and it is ok if your relationship with a friend changes with the ebbs and flows of life. It is not how many friends and acquaintances you have, but how emotionally connected you are with the friends that you have.

How to be a good enough friend:

• Accept people as people.
• Give them benefit of a doubt.
• Forgive to heal. 
• Learn and grow.
• Set healthy and clear boundaries.
• Do not stay in unhealthy and emotionally abusive friendships.
• Help by being curious and asking questions.
• Be present in the moment. 
• Help to ground and keep things in perspective.  
• Help put problems into context.
• Help develop meaning and direction.  
• Ask permission.
• Talk to your friends about mental health.  
• Open up about how you are feeling and what you are experiencing.
• Celebrate the good times. 
• Be a good listener during the bad times.
• Don’t fix problems.
• Play, have fun, and laugh together!