Often couples evaluate their relationship based upon how much they fight. When they are not fighting, things must be going well and when they are fighting, things must NOT be going well within their relationship. It is a myth that healthy couples do not fight or do not fight often.
Sometimes not fighting can be an indication of avoidance, a lack of communication, stonewalling, or not having the emotional energy to address issues. The fact is that healthy couples fight, and they know how to do this well!
After the honeymoon phase of a relationship, this is where conflicts begin. Sometimes couples have small fights, while at other times, there are bigger fights. Research from the Gottman Institute has found that nearly 69% of conflicts within relationships are perpetual, meaning the couple is stuck in an unhealthy pattern or dance, and fighting has more to do with the relationship than what they are actually fighting about. These fights are perpetual as they resurface and come back over and over again, sometimes resulting in increased frustration, anger, resentment, and hurt feelings. Learning how to fight well helps to resolve perpetual issues and help couples learn knew and healthy patterns and dances within their relationship.
Here is what can help:
The Gottman Institute. (2020, November 24). The Gottman Institute. Retrieved from https://www.gottman.com/
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