Healing from Birth Trauma

Lara Hollway, MSW, RSW, Birth and Labour Doula (Certifying)

​Every birth is unique. And every person’s feelings or story about their child’s birth is unique. If you are struggling with your memories of your childbirth, know that you are not alone. Many people need time and space to heal emotionally and physically from this life-changing experience, no matter how the birth unfolded.

You may have had a birth that fit exactly into your birth plan, and yet you still find yourself feeling disappointment, anger or fear when you think back on it. You may have had a birth that ended with either you, your baby, or both of you, in intensive care, and be currently struggling with how to process all that happened to you while trying to manage all the stresses of caring for a new baby. You may have had something happen during the birth, such as being restrained or having hospital workers disregard your wishes, and find that you continue to dwell on this moment. You may feel like your birth happened so quickly that you didn’t have time to understand what was happening, and all of the memories feel fuzzy and overwhelming. You may have felt like you were going to die, or your baby was going to die, and this fear is lingering with you. It may be years after your childbirth, and you are feeling confused by why you are still struggling with these memories.

No matter what you are feeling, or how your birth went, your birth story is a powerful memory that will linger and impact your life. 

Things to Know About Your Birth Story:

• Birth trauma is real. And it is often dismissed. All too often new parents are told they should feel grateful that their baby survived, and to let go of the rest of it. However, know that you can be grateful that your baby was born, while also feeling devastated, furious, grief-stricken or traumatized by how they were born.
• When your birth story includes trauma, it is important to be able to talk about and work through this trauma with people you trust. Your feelings are valid, and healing takes time.

• Birth partners can feel traumatized by a birth too. They may need to process their own feelings about what happened and the emotions that come up for them, including fear, anger, a sense of failure, powerlessness, or not knowing what to do, and sadness.
• Obstetrical violence is real. Feeling abused, neglected, uninformed, or disrespected during your birth can lead to feelings of birth trauma. Sometimes, you may not have realized in the moment that this is how you were feeling, and it may take time to accept this perspective. It’s not fair to feel like people you trusted were negligent or uncaring, and this can be difficult to process.
• Even if your birth was a positive experience, you can still need to process your emotions. Birth is a powerful and deeply vulnerable experience, and comes with many unexpected feelings. Unpacking your birth story may help you to heal and move through this energy.
• Not being able to process and talk about your feelings of trauma around your birth can negatively impact your relationships, cause feelings of isolation, increase feelings of postpartum depression, and impact your bonding with your baby. The good news? Having the space to process and work through your birth story can increase intimacy in your relationships, help you reconnect with your community, alleviate feelings of postpartum depression, and help you to feel more bonded with your baby.

Acknowledging your feelings is a first step towards healing. Check in with yourself. When you think back to your birth, how do you feel in your body? What emotions arise for you?
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• If you notice feelings of intense panic, acute numbness, anger, overwhelm or depression, you may want to consider working with a therapist to help you process through your birth story.
• If you notice some feelings of panic, numbness, anger or sadness, but you feel like you have the tools and relationship support you need to work through this, you may want to consider processing your birth story through either journaling or sharing your story with someone in your life. It is important to choose your listener carefully. Let them know that you are feeling emotional trauma from your birth, and you would like to talk about this with them. Make sure that they know they do not need to fix you, they just need to listen.

Lara is a registered social worker who is experienced in supporting individuals and couples in times of transition, and healing from trauma. Lara has a diverse background of experience, which includes working with pregnancy loss, birth fears and birth trauma. If you would like to book with Lara, please contact our clinic today.