It's Alright to Let Go of Those That Are Not Living a Healthy Lifestyle

By: ​Kristen Sohlman, MACP RP

Sometimes having a healthy boundary means that it is alright to move forward in your life, even though someone you care about is not yet living a healthy life. You may feel guilty about leaving someone behind, and yet there is an important gift that you are giving the other person.

It is well known that you cannot change another’s behaviour, but you can model healthy behaviour with the hope that someone you care about will see that and be able to make changes in their own life.

Picture a bridge where on one side of the bridge there are the healthy behaviours that you imagine and on the other side of the bridge are the unhealthy behaviours that you imagine.  The bridge represents a transition, a time for learning and change.  You cannot push or pull someone across that bridge and can only walk across that bridge on your own two feet.  You and the person you care about are not alone, you can see one another across that bridge, you can talk to one another, and you can even encourage and support one another if you are able.  You can live the life that you want for yourself, model healthy living for others to see, and can warmly welcome anyone who decides to cross that bridge when the time is right.  You can empathetically welcome whomever decides to cross that bridge as the other side is familiar to you, and at times when you felt lost, you yourself did not even know there was a bridge and you found it.  It was scary thinking about crossing that bridge as you did not know what would be on the other side or if this would be a better place.  You can validate the courage that is needed to cross that bridge for anyone who is on that journey.
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By having a healthy boundary and non-judgmental understanding of the work that it takes to get across that bridge you are helping.  You do not have to feel guilty when it is your time to cross the bridge.  You do not have to feel guilty that it is not another person’s time to cross the bridge.  You do not have to go back to get anyone else.  Where you are is where you are meant to be.  

References:
Beattie, M. (2003). The language of letting go Journal A meditation book and journal for daily reflections. Center City, US: Hazelden.