Parenting Teens in a Pandemic

By: Margo Ayoub, MSW, RSW

​Let's face it, raising kids can be a challenge in the best of times. Throw in a global pandemic which brings with it economic impacts, anxiety over the spread of illness, and the isolation that has accompanied the lockdown restrictions and closures, and you have challenges for which the impact on youth and their caregivers is far reaching and not yet fully understood.

Teenagers feel frustrated, disconnected, and bored because of social distancing. They may feel nostalgic for the past, and disappointed by missed opportunities to celebrate important life events or milestones. Since COVID-19 was declared a pandemic in March, 2020, young people have largely been protected from the physical impacts of the virus, however, research on the impacts of the pandemic on youth mental health paint a different picture.
 
Studies show that since the onset of COVID-19, teens and adolescents have experienced increased anxiety, loneliness and depression, and have felt less motivated to participate in activities that they normally enjoy. Their academic performance and social wellbeing are being impacted. While social media can be helpful in facilitating social connection, mounting evidence suggests that increased exposure to social media during the pandemic has led to negative impacts on mental health among young people, and has specifically been linked to growing numbers of youth struggling with poor body image and eating disorders.

Additional research indicates that isolation due to lockdown measures has led to an increase in depression, thoughts of self-harm and suicidal ideation among youth. Unfortunately, despite feeling the need for support with mental health, many young people do not reach out. ​

So, what can parents do to help?

​Navigating the mental health of your teen can be especially stressful right now, particularly if you are experiencing your own struggle with mental health. Resources and support may appear more difficult to access due to restrictions and waitlists. You may be feeling frustrated. Parenting strategies that may have worked pre-Covid-19 might seem irrelevant under current circumstances. If you are concerned about your teenager, this article is intended to provide insight to what might be going on with your teen’s mental health, while offering suggestions to help open the doors of communication between you and your teen and to help reduce feelings of loneliness, frustration and powerlessness.
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• First and foremost, remember that it is normal for your teen (and for you) to struggle during this challenging time. Try to be realistic with your expectations of yourself, and of your teen. Avoid downplaying their disappointment. Validate their feelings by acknowledging their struggles, and try to listen empathically. Your teenager might be worried about the future, so speak with them honestly, and avoid giving them false hope as a way of minimizing their fears. The reality for many is that it's a challenge just to get through each day.
  
  
• Collaborate with your teen to create a daily routine that allows for a few regular activities such as homework, cooking together, and family meals. Try to have your teenager spend time in common living areas each day. Take advantage of the fact that they are limited in their options right now, and spend time together!
  
  
• Research shows that sleep has a big impact on mental health. Sleep can help your teen to cope more effectively with stress, and has been shown to improve academic performance, and relationships with others. Encourage your teen to stick to a consistent sleep schedule, and to avoid frequent naps during the day. And don’t forget that your sleep is important too. It has been found that the sleep habits of young people are influenced by their parents’ sleep habits, so try to develop a healthy sleep schedule of your own.
  
  
• Encourage your teen to help others. Whether it be sending cards to care home residents, or helping at a local soup kitchen, connecting with the broader community through volunteer work is a great way for youth to feel a sense of connection and purpose.

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• Create new traditions. After all, we could all use a little more fun in our lives! Traditions give us something to look forward to, and can be something simple like having a special dessert once a week, or something more elaborate like making up a new holiday that only your family celebrates. Involve them in the planning and decision making- trust me, your teens will be into this!
  
  
• Social connection is important, whether it be virtual, or by meeting a friend outdoors for a socially distanced activity. Try to have your teen engage with others through face to face interaction, and to avoid spending too much time on social media.
  
  
• Lead by example. Believe it or not, your teenagers are looking to you to see how to navigate the world around them. Now more than ever, it is important to model empathy, compassion, honesty, patience, and balanced expectations.
  
  
• Give hugs! Hugs promote the release of oxytocin, and have been shown to help reduce our blood pressure and stress levels. Hugs also promote positive emotional connection and wellbeing.​

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• Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you feel you need support. Whether it be talking to a therapist, connecting with friends and family, or accessing online resources, just remember that you don’t need to face your challenges alone.

Renowned family therapist Virginia Satir famously said that people need a minimum of four hugs per day for survival, even more in order to thrive.​

Parenting during the pandemic has undoubtedly proven to be challenging in ways that we couldn’t have predicted. Feeling anxious or frustrated about the pandemic and the impact that it continues to have on our lives, is normal. Remember to be compassionate with yourself during this time- this is hard! Try to keep an open dialogue about mental health with your teen and demonstrate to them now that it’s okay ask for help if they are struggling. 
After all, if we are not comfortable talking about mental health, how can we expect our kids to be?
 
I hope that the suggestions in this article will benefit not only your teens, but you as well, and will provide a bit of reassurance as we forge ahead in these uncertain times. For more tips, ideas, and activities for supporting teens with their mental health, check out these online resources:

https://teenmentalhealth.org/covid-19/
 
https://www.unicef.org/coronavirus/how-teenagers-can-protect-their-mental-health-during-coronavirus-covid-19
 
https://jack.org/Stories/Our-mental-health-during-COVID-19?lang=en-ca
 
www.kellymagazine.ca

Sources:
Teens report loneliness and depression:
Ellis, W. E., Dumas, T. M., & Forbes, L. M. (2020). Physically isolated but socially connected: Psychological adjustment and stress among adolescents during the initial COVID-19 crisis. Canadian Journal of Behavioural Science/Revue Canadienne Des Sciences Du Comportement, 52(3), 177-187. doi: http://dx.doi.org.ezproxy.lakeheadu.ca/10.1037/cbs0000215
Teen mental health impacts academic performance and social wellbeing:
Sijtsema, J.J., Verboom, C.E., Penninx, B.W.J.H. et al. (2014). Psychopathology and Academic Performance, Social Well-Being, and Social Preference at School: The TRAILS Study. Child Psychiatry Hum Dev 45, 273–284
https://doi-org.ezproxy.lakeheadu.ca/10.1007/s10578-013-0399-1
 
Teens may feel frustrated, disconnected…recommendations for older children:
Imran, N., Zeshan, M., Pervaiz, Z. (2020). Mental health considerations for children and adolescents in COVID-19 Pandemic. Pakistan Journal of Medical Sciences, 36(S4), S67.
https://link.gale.com/apps/doc/A625795205/AONE?u=ocul_lakehead&sid=AONE&xid=f00261b8
 
Social media effects on teen mental health:
Kelly, Y., Zilanawala, A., Booker, C., & Sacker, A. (2018). Social Media Use and Adolescent Mental Health: Findings From the UK Millennium Cohort Study. EClinicalMedicine, 6, 59–68. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.eclinm.2018.12.005
 
Sleep and mental health in teens:
James E. Gangwisch, PhD, Lindsay A. Babiss, BA, Dolores Malaspina, MD, Blake J. Turner, PhD, Gary K. Zammit, PhD, Kelly Posner, PhD, Earlier Parental Set Bedtimes as a Protective Factor Against Depression and Suicidal Ideation, Sleep, Volume 33, Issue 1, January 2010, Pages 97–106, https://doi.org/10.1093/sleep/33.1.97
Stevenson, S. (2016). Sleep Smarter: 21 essential strategies to sleep your way to a better body, better health, and bigger success. Rodale Inc. United States.
 
Web Resources:
https://www.unicef.org/lac/en/impact-covid-19-mental-health-adolescents-and-youth
https://www.unicef.org/coronavirus/how-teenagers-can-protect-their-mental-health-during-coronavirus-covid-19
https://www.unicef.org/media/83951/file/MHPSS-UNICEF-Learning-brief.pdf
https://www.theglobeandmail.com/canada/article-shadow-pandemic-of-young-people-with-eating-disorders-strains-capacity/
https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/calgary/eating-disorders-pandemic-covid-19-teens-adults-1.5841047
https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/anorexia-shadow-pandemic-1.5833677