Strive for Meaning over Happiness

By: Kristen Sohlman, MACP, RP

​After having endured a challenging or difficult experience such as grief and loss, trauma, an accident, or a significant change in life such as retirement, major illness, or diagnosis of a degenerative disease, one may begin to question:

What is the purpose and value of my life?  Why is this important? ​

Discovering purpose helps to define meaning in life, and it is no coincidence that sometimes finding meaning comes at times of change, stress, or when one feels hopeless. Often it is these times of struggle that can bring about great change as one seeks out the meaning in their life experiences.  

What happens when one has lived life and they still have not found their purpose? Does this mean that their life was a failure or not worth living?

No! It may mean that they have been living life through a lens of seeking happiness, versus living their life on life’s terms. Or perhaps they find themselves stuck in self-reflection: evaluating or re-evaluating their life, job, and relationships in perpetuity.

​By becoming stuck in the search for happiness and self-actualization, they stop living their life to its fullest on life’s terms. Pursuing happiness over living life can result in feelings of disappointment, especially when life experiences do not live up to one’s expectations. This contributes to feelings of hopelessness and loneliness instead of hopefulness and connectedness. 

As long as one has their physiological, mental health, and safety needs met, by living life through a lens of meaning rather than a search for happiness, life becomes an entirely different experience. By looking beyond one’s current situation, they can connect with a bigger picture.  This makes it easier to endure life’s difficult moments, the ups and downs, helps to feel happiness in between these moments, and allows one to find solutions that are not bound by time.

Looking to the future for one’s purpose in life can become self-defeating, since one’s purpose is already in the present moment.  Purpose comes from one’s values and beliefs, as well as one’s connections with those people who are around you.  Purpose and meaning come from the present moment!  Remember that you do not have to change other people’s lives, just your own.  You are enough.  And there is dignity in living life on life’s terms. ​

If you are stuck finding happiness and meaning in your life, here are some questions to consider:
​

1. What do relationships and friendship mean to you?
2. What were your interests and passions as a child?
3. If you did not have to do anything during a day, how would you spend your time?
4. What makes you forget about the world around you?
5. What is on your bucket or wish list?
6. If you had a dream, could you make it happen?
7. What are the feelings you want right now?

​These questions, carefully considered, can help to alter one’s tendency of deriving purpose from the future, to developing meaning in the present moment.

Through her client-centered, Emotionally Focused Therapeutic approach and ability to be present with those that she works with, Kristen Sohlman, MACP, RP, listens without judgement. Her specialized areas of interest are mental health, addictions, trauma, anxiety, depression, as well as cultural competency and couples and family therapy. She is currently offering these services through online or telephone sessions from the comfort of your own home. Please contact us today to meet with Kristen.