The 6-Second Kiss

By: Kelly Halonen, MSW, RSW

When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, it can be easy to forget to take time to do the little things. We get so busy working, taking care of children and ourselves, cleaning, and everything else, that this can lead to us drifting away from our partner.

We spend less time working on our relationship, as we believe it will still be there. But the truth is, even if you have a solid relationship, it is important to make time for each other.
 
To help maintain your relationship, you just have to do the small things. If you’re able to be thoughtful, take time for each other, and repair conflict as it arises, then that is going to help your relationship last. And not only last, but it can help build a loving, intimate, and trusting relationship that makes you feel happy and supported.

One easy way to do this is by showing affection. This is more than just sex. This can be hugging, holding hands, cuddling, and kissing. Having that intimate touch lets the other person know you care for them. It also releases the “feel good” chemical, oxytocin, in our brains and makes us feel happy.
 
Dr. John Gottman (couple’s therapist and researcher) suggests that couples try to have a kiss that lasts at least 6 seconds a day. A kiss that lasts this long shows that you are taking time to show affection to your partner, and can begin to generate these feelings of happiness and closeness. This kiss is slower and more affectionate than just a peck on the lips or cheek.
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While I would recommend trying to kiss as often as possible, there are key times that you can try this. The best times to try the 6-second kiss would be when you wake up, before you leave the house, when you come home, and before you go to bed. Even if you just pick one of those times to build in this kissing routine, you will begin to feel more connected to your partner.

Reference: Dr. John and Julie Gottman. The Gottman Institute. https://www.gottman.com