The Importance of Finding a Good Fit

By Seija Grant, MEd CP, RP

​When I talk about ‘finding a good fit’ I am referring to the therapeutic relationship between client and therapist. One of the most important factors of therapeutic success is having a strong therapeutic alliance. The importance of this is significant, as you (the client) need to be able to trust the therapist enough to share some of the most vulnerable parts of yourself. Outside of a therapy context, you probably wouldn’t go around sharing all of your most secret, private (possibly darkest) parts of yourself with just anybody, so why should it be different when it comes to therapy?  As a client you have the right to try out counsellors to find one that suits you. If you don’t feel it is a good fit, don’t be afraid to ask for an appointment with a different counsellor next time (if this is an option at the agency or organization you are attending). Therapists are aware of the importance of this factor and ultimately want you to be successful and thrive in counselling…even if it isn’t with them.  I personally would much rather have a client transfer to another therapist than for them to miss out on all of the benefits of counselling, just because we weren’t a good match.

There can be several reasons for a lack of ‘good fit’ between client and counsellor. Some of the factors to consider:

• Personality. This is a BIG one! Just like in the real world, you probably won’t get along with 100% of people, the same goes with counsellors/therapists!
• Therapeutic Modality and Experience. There are hundreds (possibly more?) of variations on therapy styles and techniques and each therapist has their own flair as well. Some practice Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy (CBT), Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT), Dialectical-Behaviour Therapy (DBT), Mindfulness Based Therapy, or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy. These are just a few of the more popular ones…there are MANY more. In short, finding a style that suits you (or combination of styles) is also important. Please do not be afraid to tell your counsellor that a certain task or activity you try is not for you. We can’t read your minds (despite popular belief), and likely have many other options available to you. Also, each therapist has their own clinical experience, training, knowledge and expertise that they bring to their sessions. Feel free to ask your counsellor questions about their experiences and areas of expertise to find out more. We are always happy to share! If a counsellor is outside of their scope of expertise, they must inform you of this or seek external consultation to ensure they are supporting your needs sufficiently.
• Preferences. As each human being has their own experiences in life (both positive and negative) we also develop biases and preferences. Perhaps your new therapist reminds you too much of your mother/father, your daughter/son or other significant person in your life. Maybe you feel more comfortable speaking to someone who reminds you of these people in your life, or maybe not!  It is not to say that a therapist of any age/sex/gender/race etc. wouldn’t be helpful to you—more of a caution to be aware of your biases.  If you are going into the session saying “this is not going to work” then guess what…this is not going to work. 
• Readiness for Therapy. Some people want the benefits of seeing a counsellor however are maybe not yet ready for therapy. If you are feeling coerced into counselling or feel like you are not willing to open up quite yet…it may be an indication that the timing is not right for you. If you are willing to work towards building trust with a counsellor but not wanting to delve into it immediately, that is OKAY. This often occurs in counselling as clients want to develop trust and rapport before sharing intimate details of their lives. However, in order for counselling to be effective, it is best if you are open and honest with your therapist. It is a safe place to be able to share any observations, feelings, concerns, etc.
• Attunement. If you have started the counselling process, do you feel your therapist understands your goals, emotions, and perspective? Sometimes this may take some time and clarification, however if you feel they are empathically attuned (reacting appropriately, following your story, feeling connected), you will likely feel more at ease with them in session which will strengthen the rapport. Some things to consider for you may be genuineness, authenticity, understanding, approachability, and feeling as though the counsellor is relatable. Does your counsellor feel like a good fit or somebody you could become comfortable with? The gut often knows…listen to it.

 
There may also be different therapists who can be helpful to you at different points in your life. Maybe you need a certain type of person or skillset to help with one area, and then a few years later need something completely different. That is OKAY. As humans we change, we grow, and we also have varying needs.  There is a whole spectrum out there, and taking the time to consider what it is that you need in this moment can be a great way of helping yourself to find a good fit in order to flourish in a counselling setting. In short, counselling is not a one-size-fits-all sort of experience. It is a deeply personal and unique venture. As all humans have distinctive differences with individual needs, concerns/issues, and preferences, it makes sense that not every therapist will be exactly the right fit for every client.  As therapists we want to be able to help our clients in a collaborative manner to attain their goals, and having strong therapeutic rapport is one of the key ingredients.

For more information, visit the Kelly Mental Health website to learn more!