The Importance of Masturbation

By: Kelly Graham, MSW, RSW

​Growing up you’ve probably been taught that you shouldn’t talk about masturbation, or maybe even that you shouldn’t masturbate. Because this is something that is not talked about and seen as a “taboo” subject, many people don’t know how good masturbating can be for you. 

​Before we begin, I want help you let go of any shame you may feel. Masturbation is common and 100% normal. Almost everyone has tried it at some point in their lives. So, don’t be ashamed if you masturbate - it’s a good thing!

Discover What You Like. Whether you’re new to sex, or just trying to explore yourself further, masturbation can help you figure out what you do and don’t like. This makes it easier to help guide your partner if they may not be hitting the right spots. You can try different techniques, toys, or pornography, and discover what sexually arouses you. Especially if you are feeling shy about sex, masturbation involves just you. Nobody is going to judge you for what you are doing or what arouses you, because they will not be there (unless you want them to be).

Gain Confidence. By getting to know what you like better, this can help you feel more confident when you are with a partner. You know what you want and how to get it. You can gain the confidence to become assertive in the bedroom and make sure your needs are being met. Becoming more comfortable with yourself can also help you become more comfortable with a partner. If you are feeling very shy and unsure of what to do, being with a partner can heighten this anxiety, as you may feel you are expected to live up to a certain standard. Becoming comfortable with yourself can help you gain this confidence, even if you are still a little nervous about being with a partner.

Increase Your Self-Esteem. Feeling comfortable with your body can also help you feel better about yourself. You have a better sense of what you want and what feels good. This confidence helps you feel better about yourself not just in the bedroom, but out of the bedroom as well. Knowing more about who you are sexually can give you confidence that will follow you wherever you go.

Relax. Masturbating can help you relieve tension and feel good. This will cause your body and your mind to relax. When you are more relaxed, you can sleep better and be in a better mood. If you are a woman and menstruating, masturbation can also help relieve cramps.

Have Better Sex. As we talked about earlier, you’ll have a better understanding of what you want and need sexually. You can translate these needs to your partner, and this will help make sex more enjoyable for both of you. Not only do your needs get met, but it is often a turn on for your partner to see you are enjoying what they are doing to you. They can also masturbate and find what they like, so they can tell you. This way, you will both be able to get the best sexual experience you can. You can also masturbate in front of each other which can be an arousing experience for both of you.

Heal. Masturbation can also be a way to heal after a sexual assault. Sometimes survivors may feel afraid to have sex again or be touched in certain ways. By getting comfortable with yourself and your body again, you know that you are in control and can stop at any time. You may also find triggers you were unaware existed. The more you can heal sexually with yourself, the more relaxed and less anxious you will feel when beginning to have sex with a partner. It can also be empowering to learn that you can still enjoy sex after a traumatic experience.

Masturbation is normal, healthy, and beneficial in many, many ways. Lose the shame and discover the benefits for yourself!