Tough Times Call for Mindful Self-Compassion

By: Seija Grant, Med CP, RP

​Wow! Things are feeling a little chaotic and overwhelming, and certainly anxiety-provoking out there. I am not immune to that as a therapist, and was thinking about what can be done to ease some of the mental (and physical) tension in our community.  One such skill that can be cultivated and applied during these tough times is ‘Mindful Self-Compassion’ (MSC).  I realize this may be a new concept for many of you, so I will give a brief overview of what this is and how this may be helpful during this tense time.

As described by the founders of MSC, Kristen Neff and Chris Germer:

“MSC combines the skills of mindfulness and self-compassion, providing a powerful tool for emotional resilience. Mindfulness is the first step in emotional healing—being able to turn toward and acknowledge our difficult thoughts and feelings (such as inadequacy, sadness, anger, confusion) with a spirit of openness and curiosity. Self-compassion involves responding to these difficult thoughts and feelings with kindness, sympathy and understanding so that we soothe and comfort ourselves when we’re hurting. Research has shown that self-compassion greatly enhances emotional wellbeing. It boosts happiness, reduces anxiety and depression, and can even help maintain healthy lifestyle habits such as diet and exercise. Being both mindful and compassionate leads to greater ease and well-being in our daily lives.”

Some of the basic introductory exercises of MSC could be really helpful to us all right now.

One such exercise is called ‘Soothing Touch’ practice. In this practice we try out different ‘touch positions’ to try to soothe our bodies. It initially may feel silly (in our minds), but our bodies aren’t too concerned with the silliness — they respond to the soothing gesture. In order to do this exercise, you may sit in a quiet place, take your hand and place it over your heart. Sit like that for a few moments. Then try placing two hands on your heart. Then one hand on your cheek, then two, cupping your face. Try crossing your arms into an embrace and giving yourself a squeeze. Then place one hand on your stomach, then keeping that hand there place the other hand on your heart. While you do this, try to notice if one or more of these gestures feels comforting and calming.

The next exercise is called “Self-Compassion Break,” and is a 3-step process. First if possible, find a quiet place to be alone with your thoughts, and if you like, use one of the previously mentioned soothing touch gestures while doing this exercise (throughout or on step three).

Step one: Find words to validate your pain, distress, or moment of suffering. Such as “this hurts, this is very difficult, this is stressful, this is a moment of suffering, this is painful, distressing, or scary.” Just find words that sit well with you that acknowledge what you are feeling right now. Say them to yourself.

Step two: Recognize that you are not alone. Find words that acknowledge the humanness of this experience, the universality of this emotion. Such as “this is what it feels like when a person is stressed, I am not alone in my suffering, other people feel this way too, suffering is a part of life, it’s not abnormal to feel this way.” Say these words to yourself.

Step three: Offer yourself words of kindness and support. Find words that feel nice to hear, and are soothing and comforting. Some such words could be “may I be kind to myself, may I be patient with myself, it’s going to be okay, may I be gentle with myself.” Any words that you need to hear or would like to hear during this difficult time. Say them to yourself.

If you would like to learn more about Mindful Self-Compassion, check out “Mindfulness Thunder Bay” on Facebook or check out their websites for upcoming groups and resources:

http://www.mindfulnessthunderbay.ca/

Please see link below for guided audio clips of this exercise and a PDF for soothing touch practice. 

https://centerformsc.org/practice-msc/guided-meditations-and-exercises/

Stay safe and be well.