Why Do We Listen to Sad Songs When We're Sad?

​By: Kelly Halonen, MSW, RSW

​You often see it in movies, the main character is going through a breakup and listens to sad music as they cry into a pillow on their couch. You probably do this too. Whenever you’re feeling sad or down about something, you may listen to music that is also sad or slow. So why do we do this? Wouldn’t this just make us sadder? Yes and no. 

Music is a powerful medium. You can listen to it almost anywhere, there’s a large variety, and it doesn’t have to take up a lot of time. Music can be a part of our daily lives, so it makes sense that we often connect with it.
 
Often when you are feeling sad because of a breakup, losing a loved one, or just having a bad day, you want something to connect with. By listening to songs that have similar lyrics to what you’re feeling and going through, you can feel that connection. You feel like your experience and feelings are understood. You know that you aren’t alone in what you are feeling and that others have felt this way before. Listening to this music can help you feel better and more connected to others and the world in general.

​Listening to sad music also helps you express and process your emotions. Instead of just listening to happy music, and covering up what you’re feeling, listening to sad music can help you process your emotions, and take time to truly feel them. By taking the time to process, you can better work through whatever has caused this pain and begin to alleviate the sad emotions. You can sing every lyric and relate it to what you are going through. This is a way to talk about what happened, without actually talking about it. While the song is playing, you are thinking about your experience and processing it that way. This is also why it may be easier for some people to isolate themselves and listen to music, instead of talking to others. 
 
Music is also a way to help validate us. If you’re angry, you may listen to music that expresses anger more, if you’re happy you may listen to more positive and upbeat music. Music can help us express whatever emotion we are feeling. We search out music that matches what we are feeling to help us fully feel that emotion.
 
There can also be memories attached to certain songs. Recently, my dog Jude passed away. I would always sing “Hey Jude” to him. Whenever this song comes on, I think about him. I think about the happy memories I have with him, but also the pain of losing him. While sometimes I may avoid listening to this song, other times it is nice to just remember him, even if that makes me feel sad.
 
So, go ahead and listen to that sad song. Do what you need to do to feel and express your emotions and what you’re going through.