Ask the Therapist: How to Build Resiliency (and Keep Calm and Carry On)

Resiliency means not dwelling on failures, acknowledging situations for what they are, learning from mistakes, and moving forward.

𝒷𝓎 Kristen Sohlman, HBA, MACP (Candidate), RP

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​Resiliency means that you learn how to protect yourself and adaptively change in the face of difficult and stressful experiences.  By being resilient you are able to recover more quickly from difficulties and can bounce back.  Resiliency means not dwelling on failures, acknowledging situations for what they are, learning from mistakes, and moving forward.  Sometimes experiencing hardships means that you develop more resiliency and you become stronger than you thought possible.  It is important to remember that it is possible to develop resiliency no matter what life experiences you have had. 

​Here are some things to consider in order to build resiliency:

• Foster those relationships that are caring and supportive of you and your efforts.
• Don’t worry what others think of you.  Maintain healthy relationships and do not submit to peer pressure. 
• Make realistic plans and begin taking steps towards those plans. 
• Learn about yourself and make opportunities for self-discovery.
• Develop a good relationship with yourself.  Be your own cheerleader, have confidence in your ability to make healthy changes, and develop a positive view of yourself and your skills. 
• Develop your communication and problem-solving skills.
• Work on your ability to manage your emotions and feelings, including intense feelings and emotions, as well as your impulses. 
• Learn how to manage stress within your life.
• View challenges and failure as an opportunity to grow.  Remember that failures are not a negative reflection on your abilities or self-worth. 
• Try to avoid seeing difficult experiences, or even crises, as insurmountable problems that cannot be solved.
• Remind yourself that you are not a victim, you are a survivor, and that brighter days are ahead.
• Engage in self-care and personal hygiene.
• Exercise!
• Get enough sleep!
• Make connections with other people.
• Have fun! Play! Laugh!
• Accept that change is a part of life and a part of living.  Embrace that change may be necessary and may be just what you need in order to make a healthy change within your life.
• Make goals and make a commitment to move towards your goals.
• Avoid focusing on things that you cannot change and instead focus on the things that you can. 
• Take action!
• Keep things in perspective.
• There is always hope!  Maintain a hopeful outlook on life.

​In pottery and some cultures, broken objects are often repaired with gold or silver.  The flaw is seen as a unique piece of the object’s history that adds to its beauty.  This type of resiliency is called kintsugi or kintsukuroi in Japanese.