Can’t Stop Worrying? Worry Constructively!

By Marianne Wylie, MSW, RSW

“Yesterday’s the past, tomorrow’s the future, but today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.” By Bil Keane
 
Have you ever heard this quote? It is a wise statement that talks about the importance of being able to enjoy the current moment, the here and now. But do you ever find it hard to enjoy the present? Does your mind focus on worrying about various things beyond your control? What if I burn dinner? What if my boss is unhappy with me? What if I can’t get everything done? What if she does not recover? What if...? What if…? What if…? Have others told you that you worry too much? Has someone called you a Worry Wart? No, you are not crazy.
 
Worrying is a pattern of thinking that our brain can get wrapped up in. Worry is the process of thinking about possible future outcomes, usually negative or fearful in nature, that can cause distress. It is normal to worry from time to time. It becomes a problem when it is negatively interfering with your ability to enjoy your life – to relax when you finally have the time, to sleep, or if you are avoiding the situations that you worry about. Although worrying can be useful, such as when we are planning to be prepared for something that is likely to happen…too much of it can make it hard to relax and enjoy our day.
 
Have you tried deep breathing, meditation or distractions to try and ease your worrying - but nothing seems to be working? Feeling frustrated? If you are finding that your worries just won’t let up, it might be that you actually need to allow the worry, but in a constructive way. Worrying is just the brain’s way of trying to problem solve possible future scenarios, and sometimes the brain can get stuck along the path to problem solving and enter in an unhelpful pattern of excessive worrying.

Try this constructive method to worry that may help the brain get un-stuck:

1. Grab a pen and paper. Yes, you will need to write this one out. Writing the worries on paper allows us to have a different angle on the things that we worry about. Our worries can seem like they are abstract and jumping from one worry to another in our mind. Writing it out allows us to see each concern for what it is and find ways to solve it.
2. Set your timer: 15-20 minutes. Allow yourself up to 15-20 minutes in your day to worry using this strategy but it is important to set a time limit. Otherwise, we can end up continuing the excessive worry pattern.
3. Draw 2 columns. The left column is the list of worries or concerns you will work on. The right column is the list of possible solutions to the worry.
4. Choose your top 1 or 3 worries. No more. We don’t want to overwhelm the mind. We can focus on one to three worries in a given day and that is plenty. You will write each worry down in the left column.
5. Consider all possible solutions. Focusing on one worry at a time, write down all possible solutions to the worry or ways of dealing with it in the right column next to the corresponding worry. If you have a solution to the problem or worry, write that down. If you don’t know what the solutions are, you can write down how you might deal with it. If you find that you can’t think of anything and you might need to ask someone for help, write that down. If you absolutely can’t think of anything, write down that you will table this thought for another day and that you or someone you know might find a clue to helping you problem solve this worry in the near future.  
6. Put the 'Constructive Worry Sheet' aside. Tell yourself that you have worked hard at problem solving today and you are done for the day. If you are finding that you begin to worry again later or at bedtime, remind yourself that you have dealt with the worries already for today and can look at it again another day. Give yourself permission to let go.

 
Bibliography:
Carney & Waters, 2006. Constructive Worry Worksheet.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Los Angeles, 2014. Control Your Worrying with Constructive Worry vs. Unconstructive Worry. http://cogbtherapy.com/cbt-blog/control-your-worrying-constructive-worry-vs-unconstructive-worry. Website visited December 17, 2018.
Centre for Clinical Interventions (unknown year). How Worry Works. www.cci.health.wa.gov.au. Website visited December 17, 2018. ​