Coping with that Irritating Colleague

By Laura Groulx, BEd, MSW, RSW

​I bet by reading this title, an individual’s name came to your mind. We spend a lot of hours at work, surrounded by people that we didn’t choose. Nobody gets along with everybody, as we all have different personalities, bad habits, and varying thresholds for bull$%&#. On one hand, working with individuals that we would not have otherwise known can be great fun! Personally, I have formed deep friendships with colleagues I have encountered throughout my life, rooted in commonalities, respect, and shared humour.

​However, on the other hand, a disliked colleague can be a source of much stress and irritation.  I have spoken with many clients that are feeling overwhelmed with stress due to the behavior of a colleague. It’s important to remember: there’s no need to give another person this much power over you. No one is responsible for our emotions but us, so let’s take back that power! Easier said than done, I know, but here are a few things to try, because simply venting/gossiping to other colleagues won’t change a thing: 
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1.

​Practice Gratitude: It sometimes feels easier to focus on the negative than the positive. However, with some effort, we can choose to place our focus on what’s right rather than what’s wrong. Take intentional note of what’s going right with your day, even if it’s something as small as noting your gratitude for the warm cup of coffee in your hands. What we choose to focus our thoughts on directly impacts our overall mood.

2.

Stop worrying about things that are out of your control: We spend a lot of mental energy worrying about things that we have no power over changing, like our colleague’s personality or behaviour. Generally speaking, if we only placed mental energy onto things that we have the ability to influence, we would be a much less stressed-out society. In order to let go of the unchangeable, we have to accept the reality. That doesn’t mean we have to like it, we just have to accept it for what it is.

3.

Imagine an Energy Bubble: I mean this literally. Imagine that you are surrounded by an invisible energy bubble. On the outside of the bubble, there is stress, chaos, and negativity, but none of that can penetrate the force of your energy bubble! All that just *pings* right off when it hits. On the inside of the bubble, the recycled air is that of calmness, centeredness, and positivity. As a bonus, this energy shield has a dial, and can be turned up or down as needed.

4.

Have a respectful conversation: This can be difficult to do, especially if you’re a conflict-avoider and/or people-pleaser, but the conversation does not have to be conflictual. If there is a certain issue or behavior that is becoming problematic and affecting you directly, bring it up. When doing so, speak from a place of how it is impacting you, using “I” statements (e.g. I’m feeling overwhelmed with all this extra work) rather than “You” Statements (e.g. You always leave the extra work for me), which can leave the other party feeling attacked and defensive.

​5.

Take a Time-Out: Time-Outs aren’t just for children. If your irritation reaches a blood-boiling point, remove yourself from the situation. When anger takes over, it’s unlikely that anything productive will be communicated, and you don’t want to regret your approach. Your brain and nervous system need time to regroup. Take a walk, close your door, work on a different project, and if it’s possible, try not to return to the irritating situation/person for at least twenty minutes. Half an hour is even better.

Now, with all that time we spend at work, let’s enjoy it, people! Take back that power, get your job done, influence only what you can, and have a lovely day.