Never Argue Again: 3 Tips to Calm the Next Argument

Avoid the next argument with these simple tips for diffusing a disagreement.

𝒷𝓎 Marianne Wylie, MSW, RSW

---

1. Validate

​A lot of the time, at least one person in the argument feels misunderstood or dismissed, which causes the defences to go up or you end up avoiding each other. Validating how the other person is feeling, whether or not you agree with their response or point of view, can not only help your loved one feel heard and understood by you but also reduce the intensity of the emotion. You can do this by acknowledging the feeling they are trying to convey. For example, “You feel insulted that I did not include you in this financial decision,” or “you feel used when I don’t help out with the things you need help with.”

2. Pay Attention to Body Language

​The majority of the messages we send and receive from others are non-verbal. Being mindful of your facial expressions and body stance can go a long way. Leaning forward, keeping arms uncrossed, making eye contact, and keeping a relaxed face tells others that you are interested and open to hearing what they have to say. Whereas, keeping your arms crossed, sitting back and looking or turning your body elsewhere send the message that you are not interested in what the other person has to say. Remember, body language can speak louder than words. 

3. Take a Break

​If things are too heated and you have difficulty validating and using attentive body language, then taking the time to cool off is needed before anything is said that will feed tension. Pause the argument and promise to come back to it when both of you are calm. This allows both of you to calm intense emotions so that you come back to each other in a more relaxed and open-minded place. When our emotions aren’t so intense, we can reason better and be open about what the other person is saying. It is important to come back to issue and not avoid it. Avoiding it will only make the problem creep up again and likely end in another heated argument.