When You Feel Guilty for Taking Care of Yourself: Making a case for self-care

Taking care of ourselves helps our mental, emotional, and physical well-being.

𝒷𝓎 Kelly Graham, MSW, RSW

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​Many of us feel guilty when we try to take care of ourselves. We may feel like by doing this; we are being selfish. This is especially common in women. As women, we feel like we have to take care of everyone else and not ourselves, as if we are not in need of care or attention. However, taking care of yourself is not selfish, it is essential!
 
Taking care of ourselves helps our mental, emotional, and physical well-being. It also gives you a chance to connect with yourself and your deeper thoughts. During the day we’re so busy rushing from task to task that we often don’t get a chance to listen to or take care of ourselves. We need time to recover from daily life so that we can come back stronger and ready to tackle any tasks we may be given.
 
Benefits of Self-Care:

• Improves concentration
• Helps you problem-solve more effectively
• Increases productivity
• Boosts your immune system
• Reduces stress
• Lets you get in touch your thoughts and your feelings
• Makes you happier
• Helps fight burnout
• Enhances your self-esteem
• Increases your knowledge about yourself

 
Even when we know how good self-care can be for us, we still feel guilty. We still want to be doing something “more productive” or taking care of other people. However, self-care is a great way to take care of the others in your life too. If you are run down, then it is harder to take care of other people. You know the saying “you can’t pour from an empty cup,” well it’s true! The more you take care of yourself, the better you are for everyone around you. People will also enjoy being around you more because you will be a lot happier and more relaxed. Practicing self-care also models good behaviour for those around you. Once they see how important and beneficial it is to take care of yourself, then they might start too.
 
Maybe you feel guilty because you think you should be doing housework, or homework, or something for work. Taking care of yourself will help you complete these tasks more efficiently. Your brain will be better able to accomplish these responsibilities. Things like housework are never-ending, it will always be there for you to do. While homework and work are necessary, this is where you have to schedule in time for yourself. If you don’t make yourself a priority, then taking care of yourself will never happen. Below are a few steps that can help you make self-care a priority in your life.
 
How to Make Self-Care Happen:

1. Find an Activity. Find something that relaxes you and makes you happy. This can be taking a bubble bath, exercising, going for a walk, reading, anything that you want. It doesn’t have to be the same activity each time.
2. Make Time. Set aside 30 minutes, an hour, whatever you can so that you can focus on just you. Write it in your schedule or on your calendar if you want to remind yourself.
3. Make it a Habit. Don’t just do it once and then think you never need to do it again. Make it a regular occurrence. Weekly, bi-weekly, monthly, however often you can.
4. Let Others Know. Tell your partner, kids, or whoever you live with or are close to, that you are going to make this a priority. This makes them aware not to bother you during your self-care time and they can also hold you accountable, making sure you actually take time to take care of yourself.
5. Do It. You can talk and plan all you want, but none of that matters if you don’t follow through. Do your self-care activity! Even if your mind tries to wander or make you feel guilty, try to interrupt those thoughts and bring the focus back to what you are currently doing.

 
While it may be difficult to put yourself as a priority, once you see the benefits of self-care, it will be a lot easier. If we don’t look after ourselves, nobody else will. Keep reminding yourself that you are important and you need to do this for yourself.