Why do we care so much about how others live their lives?
Just because I’m a therapist does NOT mean I have all the answers. In fact, seeing it time and time again just means that I have even more questions about it. So in the interest of supporting others to live their best lives, myself included, I offer the following responses:
Why does someone else’s race, ethnicity, beliefs, age, sexual orientation, or religion offend you?
It’s their lives, not yours. There’s them, and there’s you. You do you.
Why do people think the choices they made for their lives (e.g. attending University, having children) are the right choices for another person’s life, and feel the need to project that on them?
Life has so many options. You do You.
Why so much judgement and criticism against another person’s decisions (e.g. going on vacation, career choice, moving, how someone spends their money, who they spend their time with)?
Different things make different people tick. You do You.
Why do people bond over gossiping about another person’s problems?
You have problems too, and gossiping makes you untrustworthy. You do You.
Why do mothers shame other mothers for their parenting choices?
It’s their babies. You do you.
Why do people believe that their way of handling something (e.g. pet training, cleaning, relationships) is better than someone else’s?
Your way isn’t the only way, so why be so close minded? You do you.
Why do people feel the need to give advice to someone who isn’t asking for it?
Straight up - You do You.
Why does a person believe that their sense of taste or style is better than someone else’s?
If it’s different than yours, it doesn’t mean it’s better or worse, it’s just different. You do you.
Why does the number/degree of someone else’s achievements, or lack thereof, matter?
Comparing yourself to others does not make you any better or worse of a person. You do you.
Why do people share oppositional opinions about someone’s difficult life choices (e.g. termination of pregnancy, divorce), when they have not had to make that choice themselves, and truly have no idea what was involved?
You do you.
Why so nosy (well I’m allowed to be, during working hours at least!)?
You can ask but don’t push. Be respectful. You do you.
Why do people feel that they know what is best for another person? Even if they do, and they’re right - know your audience, and only share if it’s appropriate.
One last time for the people in the back...
Try this quiz to figure out your attachment style in a relationship.
Life is rarely a perfect balance and is ever changing. Check-in with yourself and see what area could benefit from your attention.
While it may be impossible to try and change them, there are things you can do to help yourself when dealing with them.
It’s okay to move on and focus on what is working for you, right?
One of the leading reasons for anxiety is sleep deprivation.
𝒷𝓎 Krista Harper, Guest Submission
"I don’t want to burden people with how I am feeling. After all, it’s just burnout, right? It’ll get better. I just need time to do nothing, time to recharge. But that day seems so far away."
Having a sense of community where you feel supported and can rely on others when needed acts as a buffer to the stresses and challenges that life can bring.
Learn to begin working through baggage of past betrayals, in order to be able to move forward and trust again where it is deserved.
Learn to break the pursue-withdraw pattern and replace it with a cycle that’s supportive, loving, and nurturing.
by Linda Kelly, MSW, RSW, Editor in Chief
It’s so hard to be the in-between generation, the one that breaks the cycle of abuse, mistreatment, or even plain-old cruelty (often minimized as political incorrectness).
You get to go through the process of acknowledging what has to change, grieving what was lost, learning how to make things better, and fighting against the current that tries to pull you back into the comfortable and familiar.
You get the satisfaction of “being the change,” ensuring that the next generation never knows that kind of pain and insecurity. You create a better life for them, but you can’t recapture any of the time you spent under the spell of what you believed to be normal. You can’t change the past, and you have to live with that.
This edition of Kelly Magazine is about relationships. It’s about the ones that define us, challenge us, excite us, and betray us. Relationships, after all, are the connections we have that define who we are and who we will become. We need healthy relationships to support us when we try to change our lives for the better, since we all know how hard it is go it alone, letting go of everything you knew for the chance to be something more. This edition is full of stories and advice about how to face tough issues with family and friends in a way that preserves your connection with them while remaining true to yourself.
Our hope, with this edition, is that every individual reading this will find something that helps them to make peace with the past, to learn how to cope with the present, and to give as good as they get to create healthier relationships and to be part of an open-minded, flexible, and adaptable community of people.
So if you decide to “be the change,” stepping out of your comfort zone with the hope of making life better for you and everyone around you, know that you’re not alone.
We’re with you.
Nothing evokes anxiety more than getting a “tagged photo” notification without prior knowledge of what might be posted.
Creating space for pain in your life without attempts at avoidance or judgment will ease your suffering.
Resiliency means not dwelling on failures, acknowledging situations for what they are, learning from mistakes, and moving forward.
No matter what the reason is, it can be hard to decide to put yourself first.
The hardest part of implementing parenting strategies that will work is to be consistent with them.
If you’re having a negative reaction to someone else’s food choices, try to take a step back and see what it would be like to be in their shoes.
Check-in with yourself from time to time and see if you would benefit from slowing down.
Recent studies in the US show that one-third to one-half of teenagers have engaged in some type of self harming behavior.
We all hit a point in our relationship where we’re out of the honeymoon phase and may feel like we are stuck in a rut. Sometimes life gets busy, and you don’t set aside time for your relationship. It’s okay; this happens to everyone. So how can you connect with your partner again and regain that spark?
It is because equality does not yet exist that Pride month is crucial.
Questioning is a normal part of the process of coming to a deeper understanding of who you are, and how you relate to others.
The science of happiness tells us that being happy is basically... a choice.
The science of happiness tells us that being happy is basically... a choice. Yup, you heard me, a choice. As if it was that easy. But, if you’re struggling to make lemonade when it feels like all life hands you are lemons, you are not alone. Here are a couple things to keep in mind when you're struggling to see the sunshine among all that rain.
You are wanted & you are needed
Take a second and think about the most important people in your life. I guarantee you, whoever it is, they want to see you happy. Have you spent time with them lately? If you’re looking for a reason to be happy, this is the place to start.
You can’t buy happiness
Time to let go of the jealousy and materialistic longing. Happiness doesn’t come from having the nicest car, or the best clothes. Happiness comes from confidence and knowing your worth.
We know that sleep helps our body recover from the day and repair itself. Sleep helps us focus and be more productive. It turns out, sleep is also important for happiness. Allowing your brain to rest will make facing those tough emotions easier and more manageable.
Happy people are healthier
“Happy” habits include letting go of grudges, expressing gratitude, treating others with kindness and regarding your problems as challenges. Living in the present, waking up at the same time each morning, eating right and exercising are other “secrets” that happy people tend to embrace.
Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.
Written for you, by therapists.
NWO’s source for all things relationships, mental health, wellness, and lifestyle: Kelly Magazine is a mental health outreach initiative created by Kelly Mental Health and supported by Kelly Mental Health Foundation, a non-profit organization dedicated to improving the community in the area of mental health.
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